Bazooka! - Excerpt

The super fast high tech bulletproof sports car, tore through the streets at a blazing 82.5 mph. Considering that most speed limits downtown are 25mph, the sports car was going pretty darn fast.

Oh, and the wildly flailing gentlemen on top of the sports car, dressed in black pajamas with towels wrapped around their heads, they are the evil ninjas our hero is running from.

The ninjas try to use their steely ninja weapons, and their brute strength to crack the shell of this high tech, bulletproof vehicle they beat, slice, poke, and prod but to no avail.

The prize, in the front seat of the car, an ancient statue said to posses the properties to destroy the world. The ninjas would do anything to capture this statue, for their master the evil and villainous Panni Chew, leader of the wild boy death and paint ball cult.

But the statue remained safe inside the cars titanium belly.

The young man driving this high tech sports car, the suave and dapper Isa Hero, works for the super high security division of Z.E.R.O. (zero means nothing of course) they save the world every day in a different way.

Driving a car at 80 mph through city traffic is hard, driving a car through traffic at high speed with a bunch of ninjas whacking away at your vehicle and stepping in your view is very hard, driving 80 mph through traffic with ninjas on your car and trying not to spill your martini. Priceless.

Isa wasn’t worried about the imminent danger, he knew he had control of the situation, his only thoughts were of which weapon to use to dispatch the ninjas swiftly, he could use his samurai sword, no, his sword play had to be weak he hadn’t been to fencing class in a while, he could use his machine gun he thought, but gun fire echoing through the city streets might cause panic and definite police involvement.

Isa smiled to himself, I could use the bazooka. It sat on his back seat, he had just picked it up today from headquarters. Finally Isa made a decision. He finished his martini and put the glass back into the glove compartment martini bar.

Not samurai sword, not machine gun, not bazooka, Isa Hero decided to use the biggest weapon he had with him right now, his car.

Isa grabbed the hand break and pulled it all the way up he slammed both feet on the break pedal, the car stopped almost instantly, flinging the ninjas off the roof and to the ground. The ninjas in a daze had no time to react, Isa mashed down the hand break took one foot off the foot break and rammed the gas pedal down to the floor.

The tires smoked and skidded with anticipation, screeching, like an angry falcon. ZOOOM! The sport car took off like a bullet aimed at the evil ninja assassins, contact between car and ninjas was brief but still dramatically deadly.

The ninjas that weren’t dead, soon would be, rolling around in the middle of the street, dying. Isa couldn’t leave a man to die in the streets, like a dog. So he pressed the emergency response button in the cars dash and called for an ambulance the least he could do, for his almost killers.

His destination, a super high security store front, was designed to look like an old antique shoppe. But… it really housed one the most powerful high tech, bank vaults, ever invented by human minds.

Isa pulled up, and stopped in front of the shoppe, he grabbed the sacred statue, rolled his window down, so he could get a better view of the area. Then He opened the car door and slid out of the aerodynamic vehicle. Moving with a swift step towards the beautiful glass French door.

Reaching his hand for the door, and thinking, how he couldn’t wait to dump this package on the Vault Master, an old Chinese man who guarded the shoppe with his life. And if Isa wasn’t singing to himself, his theme song he made. Chanting, “Isa Hero, is a hero, Isa hero, is a hero.” he might have heard the subtle sound, of the bazooka igniting behind him.

The bazooka shell blasted past our hero’s head and tore threw the front window of the shoppe exploding with a powerful fury. The blast sent shards of glass flying everywhere and had enough force to send our hero slamming to the pavement dazed.

The hooded face of a ninja, leaned in over our hero, you could see a smile through his cowl. The ninja grabbed the statue from our distorted hero’s hands, and said, “Hey buddy, don’t you watch action movies? There’s always one last ninja!” And with an evil laugh, and a puff of smoke, the evil ninja, and the statue, were gone .

The little old Chinese man came out to assist Isa. Picking him up, and dusting him off. “You really should pay attention all around you young man. You were focused on your destination, but not your environment. You are young, but you’ll learn better, or next time, a ninja, with a little better aim might, blow your head off!”

The little old man led Isa into the storefront. The old man sat Isa on a stool, And began to massage his arm muscles. “Are you alright young man? No broken bones, no?”

No, no broken bones.

Good. The little Old man, put the tea kettle on.

The young mans head began to clear. Then The little old man, gave the young man a cup of tea. Isa smelled the tea and thought it wouldn’t taste too bad. Isa took a sip of the tea and instantly, spat the nasty concoction to the floor.

The old man laughed, And hit a button under the counter. The old man asked, “was the tea to hot? “ the whole store front had started to vibrate and made a sound that could only be compared to a giant steam train engine, the building felt like it was falling apart, four giant clamps released the wall Isa was going to answer the old man’s question, about the “hot tea”, and tell the old man where he could shove his “hot tea”, then the entire store front, dropped into a hole in the floor woosh! Isa was stunned.

The bell hanging over the door frame rang “ding, ding” a stunning young woman with thick thighs and fishnet stockings, walked in to the shoppe she was wearing a pair of leopard spotted pumps, a red skirt, and a jet black leather bustier, as the young lady walked in, her stocking tops peeked out from under her skirt, and she strode right to the counter focused on her goal. Hello, the young woman said, I was here last week, and I saw the most beautiful, ruby drop earrings.

“Oh yes”, said the little old man I know the ones, I will get them for you.

Last week you said they were $200?

“Oh no.” the old man said, the girl began to pout. Gems of this beauty can not be sold for $200. the girl stood there in a huh. The little old man then said, for you, a lady of such style, and beauty, only $100.

Isa was waiting for the other wall to drop, staring straight off into the gapping hole that was there now.

The fine young lady showed her earrings to Isa, lovely aren’t they?

Isa, coming out of his fog of amazement agrees with the young lady oh yes they are nice.

The young lady took her purchase, and left the store, with her grace, and elegance, trailing behind her.

The old man smiled. “did you see that my son?”

“Yeah, some big butt lady, brought some earrings.” Isa, still waiting for the wall to close. “People don’t notice that gaping hole in the wall.” Isa asked? as you just saw, the young lady wasn’t paying attention, having been here several times before, to her, the store, was the store, as it should be, but the same applies to you.

“If I ask you a question like, what color was her hair, would you know?” the old man questioned. Isa stumbled on his words “I … uh? Well.” Here’s, an easy one for you, what color was her skirt? Isa had a gut reaction “blue !” Isa always liked blue.

That is incorrect !! The old shouted and slapped Isa in the back of the head “the answer is RED, red!!” you have a lot to learn young man and little time to learn it.”

“But the ninja?” Isa seemed worried. “That statue, had the power, to bring forth, the end of the world, with mystical powers, and i have to stop him. Isa didn’t forget about the hole in the wall people walked by outside unaware and uninterested. Isa put his tea cup down, ready to run out to his super fasr high tech bullet proof sport car, “well thanks for the swill, it was horrible. I got to go! I have to save the world.

There will be plenty of time for world saving. You must learn focus, patients, and observation and we may only have a week to teach you what I know but they won’t be blowing up the world today.

Come on now hold your breath and swallow down that tea before it gets to cold, it will make you strong. The old man said you will need your strength. Then go pick up your big gun, and come back in.

Isa swallowed his tea, and went out to get his bazooka. He bent down on his hands and knees the bazooka, it had rolled under his car. While under the sport car, isa yet again, was amazed, a beautiful woman was on a pay phone,
As she talked, on the pay phone she undressed, she kicked off her expensive shoes, and pulled down her skirt to the ground, right in the middle of the street. Out of her classy style, Gucci style bag, she pulled out a pair of jet black stealth pants to match her bustier, she slid the pants up over her stockinged legs and zipped them at the side. She pulled out a pair of 2 inch heeled combat boots, put them on and zipped them at the side. She then said into the pay phone, “ I’m on it!” she bent at the waist to pick up her expensive things, and put them into her bag. she flipped the bag round and twisted it some cool, funky, type of way known only to her, and the Gucci bag turned into, a back pack.

Isa began to turn, and go back into the shoppe shrugged his shoulders and thought to himself, that weird stuff happens in the city, every day. when a bus came down the street and this super doper spy girl bent down low at the knees she flung her back pack, on her back. Spy girl, then leapt about 30 feet into the air, landing on top of the bus! she crouched down low on the roof of the bus, the way you would think that spider guy would, in comic books.

The only word, Isa could squeeze, out of his over excited body was COOL!

Come on in young man, hurry out of the street with that bazooka in your hands. The old man giggled. Isa was upset the wall had finally lowered, while, he was watching super spy girl undress, and go bus surfing. “Aw geeesh! give me a break!” Isa said dejected. Isa came into the shop and put his bazooka under the counter. what took you so long my son? The old man questioned. ‘well’ Isa said, “I was getting the bazooka… and well there was this girl in her panties and jumping on buses

“You lost your focus young man.” the old man stated “I didn’t lose my focus” isa said you wanted to see that wall lower so badly I could feel your intent to see it you were determined! Then you see a sexy girl in her underwear and you get distracted, its going to be a hard time teaching you young man.

“I wasn’t distracted!” Isa protested, “I was focused.”

Ok then a question, for a young man of strong focus, and mental fortitude.
The question is… “What color was her hair?” Or an even better question for you what color were her panties? Since you Seemed to be looking in that direction, down low.

“Well” Isa said, “her hair was defiantly uh black, and her panties were uh blue?

That is incorrect, her hair was Red! And her panties? They were black, with cutesie neon pink teddy bears, all over! So lets go, mister focus, to the training room, we have a lot of work to do, And your far behind in your lessons but If you’re a good boy, and pay attention to all your lessons, maybe I will even teach you how to bus surf. The walked down a long hall at the end of which was a room full of every kinda’ kung fu weapon you could imagine.

“Wow!” Isa exclaimed. Come said the old man lets begin there is no time for doddeling if we don’t begin now you may never make it in time. “In time for what?” the old man looked at Isa and smiled. “In time to save the world of course you lug.”… “how, when, where?” Isa questioned. The old man began to answer isa questions. How? Of course, you will learn your focus from my trainings. When?the old man asked ans stated Very, very, soon. And where? Well, you must learn well or you may never surive the terror of…

SUPER, EVIL, MUTANT, NINJA, ISLAND!